If you act like his mother, you will be treated like his mother.
It dawned to me to write this post after I suddenly remembered an encounter with the mother of a gentleman I dated a life time ago. We were standing in his kitchen and after a thorough analysis she turns around and says to me: “My boy is so skinny, what have you been feeding him?”.
I remember my answer being rather rude at that time as I have never been a supporter of women being their spouse’s care giver and definitely against taking the role of the mother in a relationship. I am a woman, if I want a child, I’ll make one.
It cannot seize to impress me how even in 2020 women build up their sons to become this endless pile of need and unable to care or provide from themselves. The men grow up to think no woman is ever good enough for them and the one who finally is, will be expected to clean, cook and basically slave while pursuing their career.
Ladies, I need to tell you that now a days so many men are brought up thinking they are Prince Charming and a woman who doesn’t cook, clean and take care of him as if he was a rare diamond, is not wife material.
As hard as it is to overcome that already deep pre-set concept of what a wife’s duties really are, I must mention that not all men have this mentality and for those who do, it’s really easy to change that by having the right behaviour.
Setting the right limits and boundaries from the beginning will dictate the entire course of your relationship and by the way man are build, it’s in their DNA to try to push your limits or to test you.
For example, as per one of my favourite books of all times “Why men love bitches.” By Sherry Argov going out of your way to please your man is never a good idea. In my experience, it doesn’t necessary mean that he will lose interest in you but it could mean that you trigger something in a “mama’s boy” something that has no coming back from. And nobody wants to feel like a mother because the second that that button is pressed, this is everything he will know.
Here is a list with a few don’ts in your relationship, especially when you are at the beginning in order to get your man to see you as a woman and not as an extension of your mother. In my opinion, this will build the image you want in front of your man, regardless of the way he was brought up.
1. Never go out of your way to please him.
What do I mean by that? Especially if you are living the first stages of a committed relationship, don’t try to impress him by cooking for him. This will become a habit and he will not value it. Don’t try too hard to do anything. Even if you are an excellent chef, don’t try to conquest him by showing that off.
Don’t offer to often to prepare his coffee in the morning and don’t even think about bringing him breakfast in bed. Unless he has earned that behaviour by being the first to make those gestures, don’t bother. First, he will value you more as you are not desperate to be with him and second it will let him know you are not his mother so if he is used to fresh pancakes and steamy coffee by his bed every weekend, he’ll have to stay at his mother’s because you are not her.
Of course, if your man went out of his way multiple times trying to show you his appreciation, feel free to do a small gesture or two but do not make a habit out of it. Always show gratitude for the things he does for you, but don’t bend backwards or be mortified when he does something special. You are worth it and you deserve constant gesture of kindness.
I have been with my partner for almost two years now and I have cooked for him twice and made him coffee no more than three times. He has done far more times than that and I am thankful. I just don’t want him to think it’s my job to do any of it and as I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, I just don’t do it.
2. Do not offer to pay for things entirely even if you can afford it.
Men are usted to their mum paying for anything. Some do so even in their adult life and you need to break that habit and show him that regardless of your income, you are not willing to be the main sponsor. Even if he’s going through a rough patch, or he is a student, don’t feel you owe him anything because unintentionally he will get used to it and expect you to take out your wallet every time there is a an expense to pay. If you wish to go in a trip and he cannot afford it, either postpone it for a more suitable time for him or chose to take that trip with somebody else who can afford it.
This is a common mistake as women have developed so much lately and more often their income is bigger than their partner’s so we no longer only focus on men with a generous wallet because we no longer need to be cared for so we are now happy to date a guy with a lower income.
However ladies, I must advice to try to date somebody with a similar financial background or at least somebody who is aiming to. For example, it’s ok if he doesn’t have too much income at the moment if he is a student, or if he is saving to open his own business or even if he is at a entry level in his dream job, if you can, be patient and wait for him to grow. Push him, but not in a motherly way, don’t offer to pay his bills while he is pursuing his dream because you have no obligation to. I understand how sometimes our maternal instinct can overtake us but we need to push it back as hard as we can.
3. Ask for his help when you need it.
Under no circumstance accept to be the only one who does house chores and don’t praise him like a little boy every time he does something in the house. Remember that regardless of what you have been taught previously, it is not your job to maintain the house. However the situation could change if he is the only one providing for the house. In that case, your job would be to take care of the house and of him.
4. Don’t tolerate any type of disrespect or little boy tantrums.
So often when men are too close to their mothers and have been brought up as little kings, will sometimes address their mothers in a disrespectful way and the mother will tolerate it as he is her little prince. From raised voice to answering in a certain way. You are not his mother and you will not tolerate such behaviour. Do not let any of it go as it will become a habit and those are far more difficult to get rid of. Bring it to his attention every time he uses a tone you don’t like, or he is dismissive or worst than all, when he is throwing a tantrum. You do not have to take any behaviour like that and I also advice that if those habits are too deep rooted in his being, perhaps is better to find somebody who is better raised.
My dear ladies, I hope this advice will help and don’t forget, regardless of the stage you are in your relationship, give yourself the merit and never settle for anything less than what you deserve. Regardless of your ethnicity, skin colour, shape or home country, you are a woman and you should be treated like so.
Best,
Emma.
I remember my answer being rather rude at that time as I have never been a supporter of women being their spouse’s care giver and definitely against taking the role of the mother in a relationship. I am a woman, if I want a child, I’ll make one.
It cannot seize to impress me how even in 2020 women build up their sons to become this endless pile of need and unable to care or provide from themselves. The men grow up to think no woman is ever good enough for them and the one who finally is, will be expected to clean, cook and basically slave while pursuing their career.
Ladies, I need to tell you that now a days so many men are brought up thinking they are Prince Charming and a woman who doesn’t cook, clean and take care of him as if he was a rare diamond, is not wife material.
As hard as it is to overcome that already deep pre-set concept of what a wife’s duties really are, I must mention that not all men have this mentality and for those who do, it’s really easy to change that by having the right behaviour.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
Setting the right limits and boundaries from the beginning will dictate the entire course of your relationship and by the way man are build, it’s in their DNA to try to push your limits or to test you.
For example, as per one of my favourite books of all times “Why men love bitches.” By Sherry Argov going out of your way to please your man is never a good idea. In my experience, it doesn’t necessary mean that he will lose interest in you but it could mean that you trigger something in a “mama’s boy” something that has no coming back from. And nobody wants to feel like a mother because the second that that button is pressed, this is everything he will know.
Here is a list with a few don’ts in your relationship, especially when you are at the beginning in order to get your man to see you as a woman and not as an extension of your mother. In my opinion, this will build the image you want in front of your man, regardless of the way he was brought up.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
1. Never go out of your way to please him.
What do I mean by that? Especially if you are living the first stages of a committed relationship, don’t try to impress him by cooking for him. This will become a habit and he will not value it. Don’t try too hard to do anything. Even if you are an excellent chef, don’t try to conquest him by showing that off.
Don’t offer to often to prepare his coffee in the morning and don’t even think about bringing him breakfast in bed. Unless he has earned that behaviour by being the first to make those gestures, don’t bother. First, he will value you more as you are not desperate to be with him and second it will let him know you are not his mother so if he is used to fresh pancakes and steamy coffee by his bed every weekend, he’ll have to stay at his mother’s because you are not her.
Of course, if your man went out of his way multiple times trying to show you his appreciation, feel free to do a small gesture or two but do not make a habit out of it. Always show gratitude for the things he does for you, but don’t bend backwards or be mortified when he does something special. You are worth it and you deserve constant gesture of kindness.
I have been with my partner for almost two years now and I have cooked for him twice and made him coffee no more than three times. He has done far more times than that and I am thankful. I just don’t want him to think it’s my job to do any of it and as I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, I just don’t do it.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
2. Do not offer to pay for things entirely even if you can afford it.
Men are usted to their mum paying for anything. Some do so even in their adult life and you need to break that habit and show him that regardless of your income, you are not willing to be the main sponsor. Even if he’s going through a rough patch, or he is a student, don’t feel you owe him anything because unintentionally he will get used to it and expect you to take out your wallet every time there is a an expense to pay. If you wish to go in a trip and he cannot afford it, either postpone it for a more suitable time for him or chose to take that trip with somebody else who can afford it.
This is a common mistake as women have developed so much lately and more often their income is bigger than their partner’s so we no longer only focus on men with a generous wallet because we no longer need to be cared for so we are now happy to date a guy with a lower income.
However ladies, I must advice to try to date somebody with a similar financial background or at least somebody who is aiming to. For example, it’s ok if he doesn’t have too much income at the moment if he is a student, or if he is saving to open his own business or even if he is at a entry level in his dream job, if you can, be patient and wait for him to grow. Push him, but not in a motherly way, don’t offer to pay his bills while he is pursuing his dream because you have no obligation to. I understand how sometimes our maternal instinct can overtake us but we need to push it back as hard as we can.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
3. Ask for his help when you need it.
Under no circumstance accept to be the only one who does house chores and don’t praise him like a little boy every time he does something in the house. Remember that regardless of what you have been taught previously, it is not your job to maintain the house. However the situation could change if he is the only one providing for the house. In that case, your job would be to take care of the house and of him.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
4. Don’t tolerate any type of disrespect or little boy tantrums.
So often when men are too close to their mothers and have been brought up as little kings, will sometimes address their mothers in a disrespectful way and the mother will tolerate it as he is her little prince. From raised voice to answering in a certain way. You are not his mother and you will not tolerate such behaviour. Do not let any of it go as it will become a habit and those are far more difficult to get rid of. Bring it to his attention every time he uses a tone you don’t like, or he is dismissive or worst than all, when he is throwing a tantrum. You do not have to take any behaviour like that and I also advice that if those habits are too deep rooted in his being, perhaps is better to find somebody who is better raised.
 |
| www.pexels.com |
My dear ladies, I hope this advice will help and don’t forget, regardless of the stage you are in your relationship, give yourself the merit and never settle for anything less than what you deserve. Regardless of your ethnicity, skin colour, shape or home country, you are a woman and you should be treated like so.
Best,
Emma.
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